You Have Broken It. I Am Here To Fix It.

Consulting with The Best Programmer That Ever Live (TBPTEL).
Please do not waste my time.

JUNIOR APOLOGY

$500/15 minutes
  • I will look at your code for exactly 3 seconds.
  • I will type one character.
  • I will not explain why it works.
  • Eye Contact
Beg for Mercy

ARCHAEOLOGY MODE

$2,500/hour
  • I will suppress the warnings.
  • I will delete the comments that are lies.
  • I will hardcode the fix.
  • Includes 1 (one) heavy sigh.
Sell My Soul

DIVINE INTERVENTION

$10,000/flat rate
  • I will rewrite the kernel in binary.
  • I will recover data from the electromagnetic drive.
  • I will fire one of your employees of my choosing.
  • Bonus: I will tell you I'm proud of you (Lie).
Summon The Entity

Disclaimer: TBPTEL is not responsible for any damage caused by code reviews. No refunds. If it breaks again, it is a feature.

Another Disclaimer: Listen to me, Lost Soul. You do not simply “meet” The Best Programmer That Ever Live. You must be authenticated to view the Divine Source Code.

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